Meet the Militia of Canon Security
by Nimneniel
Summary: We are the MoCS. We defend the realities created by authors from canon breaches, but we are stretched thin. We must leave the defense of the Hobbit's reality in the hands of untrained, inexperienced three teenage girls, hoping they will learn what to do along the way. Let's hope they don't turn to the enemy's side...
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hello all! This story is meant to parody Mary-Sues and what they have done to certain characters in our favorite books. This story is not meant to offend anyone. Also, I have based this story and its titular organization off of the brilliant work of the PPC. However, I do not intend to copy their work. If you believe I am straying too close to their methods, feel free to PM me or write a review. Thank you to all who took the time to read this rather long note (I promise, they will get shorter) and without further ado, Meet the MoCS!

**Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, ****The Hobbit****, ****Les Miserables****, or Chronicles of Narnia. They belong to their respective owners.**

Meet the Militia of Canon Security 

Chapter 1: Thrice-Damned Demons!

The room was dark, but there was light from the torches held on the walls.

The ceiling reached high into the darkness, and the top could not be seen. Benches carved of stone surrounded a small open space like an amphitheater, and where the stage would have been, a magnificent throne sat. And in this room, a small crowd sat and listened to the speech of a tall, proud dwarf.

"...it is an abomination! We have been forced to enter one hell after another thanks to the whims of these writers! They have no sense of honor!" The speaker was obviously a king, his noble bearing told that much. His clothes were travel-stained and mended in more than one place, but it did not take away from his intimidating aura.

This dwarf was Thorin Oakenshield, son of Thrain, son of Thror, King Under the Mountain.

A small figure, none other than Bilbo Baggins, stood up from the front row of benches and agreed with Thorin, "It can't get much worse than this! All of you know what happened last time!" A murmur of assent rippled through the crowd. Last time had simply ripped all the spirit out of them. It was time to put a stop to this.

From the second row, a short woman with a scarred face stepped down to the center of the room next to Thorin. She said, "Thorin, you know we can help you. We sincerely want to, but the degradations occurring in the Les Miserables reality have stretched my forces thin. We simply don't have the time or personnel to help you." She flicked back her dark hair when an errant strand loosed itself from her loose bun.

"In other words," Thorin retorted, "You can't help us." The crowd growled. They needed help, and this woman and her allies were the only help they could get.

The woman shook her head. "No, _I_ can't help you, but there is another option."

Bilbo called out from the first row again, "You surely aren't suggesting that we surrender to them? We would not survive if we do that!" The crowd shouted their agreement to Bilbo's statement.

She grimaced, and the scars on her cheek twisted her features. "I would never recommend surrendering to those, those _devils_!" She spat out the last word, as if it were poison.

"However, my suggestion is simple. My trained forces are now occupied, and those already stationed here have become overwhelmed dealing with the Fellowship's problems." She continued her speech, walking around the perimeter of the center, "We have had trouble recruiting new soldiers, but now, we can remedy that situation. My plan is to fight fire with fire. May I?"

The last question she directed at Thorin, who had a brooding look on his face. He nodded, and watched as the woman pointed to the wall behind her. Three faces appeared, and the crowd gasped in fear, thinking these were the faces of their enemies, but the woman relieved their fears by saying, "My intelligence forces have pinpointed three suitable subjects for my plan. They are similar to your enemy, but they are completely different as well. They wish to help your cause, and they will do so with a little persuasion. I do not have the trainers available to teach them, but I believe you can become decent trainers for them."

A tall, bearded figure stood up in the front row next to Bilbo and said, "I can see where this is going, and I do not like this plan. How do we know they won't turn on us? How do we know they won't become like the others?"

The short woman smiled, "We have tested this in the Narnia reality and it works quite well. It will require you to bond with them, and yes I know you do not like that aspect, but there is a 99.9% chance this will work. It is the only option we can give you."

The crowd rumbled with worry, but there was a ray of hope. If this worked, their problems would be solved.

Thorin looked out at the crowd. Most of them nodded their heads, and this plan did seem that it could work. "We accept this _**temporary**_ plan of action," he said, stressing the need for it to be temporary, "Until you have amassed such forces needed to give us proper protection. Thank you, Supreme General."

"It is my pleasure to protect you, and I promise, the Militia Council will assign soldiers to your reality when they are available," the Supreme General answered, "And I promise, these girls will protect you from the Mary-Sues and Slash-Demons. They will be as efficient as any of our troops are."

"They had better be," Thorin said under his breath. He was NOT going to be possessed by a Slash-Demon again. He prefered being able to talk to Bilbo without trying to kiss him than what those thrice-damned monsters did to him!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! I hope you like this upcoming chapter. I should have some short bios pasted for the girls on my page/bio by Friday, but who knows when I'll get that done.

**Disclaimer: I do not own ****The Lord of the Rings****, ****The Hobbit****, or ****The Silmarillion****. I wish I did, but they all belong to Tolkien Estate, and I do not want to enter into a lawsuit with them. They have good lawyers.**

Meet the Militia of Canon Security

Chapter 2: Of Math Projects, Roast Beef Sandwiches, and Introductions

"Elbereth damn it all!" Sophia shouted and slammed her head into the keyboard for the third time in five minutes.

Aubrey turned to her friend and shook her head. This stupid math project was getting into Sophia's head. She patted her friend's long black hair and said, "It could be worse."

Sophia turned and retorted, "No, it couldn't get worse than this. We have been stuck in Vanna's room since before dawn! Literally, FREAKING 4:00 in the morning!" Vanna was the third member of their trio, and currently fixing lunch downstairs.

Aubrey dryly replied, "It was YOUR suggestion that we would sleep over last night and work on the project in the morning," and she shook her strawberry-blonde hair out of its ponytail, "Well, it actually could be worse, we could be ambushed by Orcs...or Wargs...or,"

Sophia cut her off, "Mary-Sues?" The two grimaced and shook their heads. Sophia said, "I guess you do have a point, it really could be worse."

Aubrey smiled to herself. She was usually right in matters such as this.

Vanna popped her ginger head in the room and grinned, "Hello my hard-working companions, and lo and behold my culinary creations!" She showed off her very artfully created roast beef sandwiches. She knew their weakness for her roast beef sandwiches.

People had often mistaken the three of them for sisters; they had been inseperable since kindergarten, and they had the same passion, Middle-earth. When they discovered The Hobbit in second grade, it only went uphill from there. The Hobbit became The Lord of the Rings, and eventually led to the Silmarillion, but they still loved the book that brought them to Middle-earth. Over the years, they did become sisters, in all but name.

Each of them loved every character in the books, but they did have their favorites. Energetic Sophia was a hobbit-lover, but held a special adoration for Bilbo Baggins. He was, after all the very first character created by Tolkien for The Hobbit. The ever-responsible Aubrey saw elves as kindred spirits, and practically worshipped Galadriel. The replica of Galadriel's coronet she wore often was the sign of this praise. And Vanna, the compassionate one of the lot, had a deep respect for Wizards, Gandalf in particular. She looked up to him, and you would even hear her say, when confronted with a problem, "What would Gandalf do?"

When they registered Vanna's presence, they turned to the door, and "FOOD!" they shouted simultaneously as they ambushed Vanna in her own room.

"Easy there, calm down, eat slowly or you'll get sick," Vanna said, not fazed by her friends' ravenous hunger. The three of them combined had been known to eat as much in one meal as a hobbit did in six. "Now tell me how the project is coming."

Sophia groaned loudly, "Slowly, but we should have it done soon." Aubrey scoffed, "We have been working for the past 8 hours on this project. We need a break."

All three of them sighed wistfully as they thought about where they would rather be: the movie theater. The Hobbit had finally come out after a very, very long wait, and now this damned project kept them from seeing it. Ever since Peter Jackson announced his intentions to produce, the girls had checked the Internet every day for upcoming production news. The wait had been torturous, and now this damned math project stopped them from seeing this movie.

Vanna grinned mischeviously. She had worked just as hard as her friends had on this project, and knew the right stress reliever.

"I know what you guys are thinking, so look what I've got!" She drew out three movie tickets from the back pocket of her jeans. Sophia's bright blue eyes grew as large as dinner plates and Aubrey fell back off her chair.

"Yes, yes, YES! A million times yes!" Sophia shouted, her shrill voice ricocheting of the walls of the small bedroom. Then, seeing Aubrey frozen in shock on the floor, she bent down to help her up.

Vanna smiled. She had correctly guessed her friends' reactions, again. "Well, what are we waiting for?" She said, opening the door.

The three of them threw themselves out the door and raced to the train station. After waiting 20 minutes on the train, they walked to the movie theater, barely containing their excitement. They entered the theater, showed their tickets, and entirely skipped the concessions stand. None of them wanted to leave the theater due to annoying bladder problems.

And then, they settled into their seats, checked the places of their 3D glasses and sat back.

Little did they know, a short woman with a scarred face sat in the row behind them, flanked by two tall, burly young men. The woman lowered her glasses and whispered into her wrist-microphone, "I take it these are the girls?"

The reedy voice of an older man answered back, "Yes ma'am, these are the ones." The guard on her right leaned down asked, "Do we get them now?"

The woman stared at the girls. She almost feel the excitement radiating off them. They had obviously waited long for this. She turned to her guard, "No, we'll wait till afterwards. Besides, I still haven't seen thismovie yet."

The guard nodded and replied curtly, "Of course, Supreme General, of course."

And the lights darkened, and the movie began. Little did the trio know that the world they saw on the screen and they loved with all their hearts, was about to become real, and more alive than anything they ever imagined.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Back again! I hope you all enjoy my introduction to MoCS. As always, please review with honesty and constructive criticism.

**Disclaimer: I do not own the following: Middle-earth, Peter Jackson, ****Chronicles of Narnia**** or ****Les Miserables****. I DO own everything else.**

As the credits began to roll and the lights turned on, Vanna turned to see the looks on her friends' faces. None of them had spoken during the movie, or made so much as a squeak. They had been lost in absorbing the fantastic scenery of Peter Jackson's Middle-Earth.

"He's done it again!" Aubrey said, sporting a wide smile.

"Of course he did, what else would you expect?" Sophia answered, her eyes still fastened on the screen. Vanna shook her arm and pointed to the exit. "What?" Sophia shrieked, "We can't leave yet!"

"Why can't we leave now?" Aubrey asked, wincing from Sophia's loud and high voice. She loved Sophia dearly, but sometimes Sophia had trouble controlling her volume.

Sophia's look turned exasperated. "We have to see the credits!" Vanna pursed her lips and asked, "Why do we have to watch the credits? We already know who plays who and have seen the production blogs, so why stay?"

Sophia narrowed her eyes. She replied, "We still have to see the credits."

In the row behind them, three figures stood up and made their way to the three girls. Aubrey turned from her arguing friends and watched as they approached, two tall male figures dwarfing a small woman. Their faces were shaded by hoods. Alarmed, she pulled Sophia's arm and said, "Hey, Phia, Vanna, quit it! We've got company." Aubrey stood up to block the way to Sophia and Vanna.

The short woman held her hand up and her two lackeys stopped, while she continued walking down the row. She pulled off her dark glasses, and the scars of what looked like claws could be seen on her face. Aubrey whispered down to Sophia and Vanna, "When I say run, we're running. On my mark..."

She never completed the sentence, for the woman had reached them at this point. Aubrey stared at her, taking note of the thick dark hair and hard brown eyes. Whatever she wanted, this woman meant business. Then, she held out her hand and said, "I mean you no harm. My name is Supreme General Katherine Anderson of the Militia of Canon Security. I believe you are Sophia King, Aubrey Edwards, and Vanna Peterson?"

Sophia, ever the reckless one, stood up next to Aubrey and said, "Who are you, where are you from, and what have you been smoking?"

This earned her an elbow in the side from Aubrey, who smiled at the General and shook her hand firmly. She replied, "What Sophia meant to say was nice to meet you, but what do you mean by the Militia of Canon Security?"

Sophia glared at Aubrey, but Vanna put a hand on her arm and whispered in her ear, "We have no idea what the hell these people want, and they could be armed. We need to play it safe." Sophia grumbled something under her breath, but complied and smiled sweetly at the stern woman in front of her.

General Anderson answered Aubrey's question, "The Militia of Canon Security is a military organization founded for the protection of alternate realities. Let me explain what that means. Alternate realities are created through the power of language, spoken and written. Beloved books such as the Chronicles of Narnia and Les Miserables have alternate realities where the characters of said books live and, unfortunately, are threatened by an enemy I am sure you can guess."

Aubrey, Sophia and Vanna shouted simultaneously, "MARY-SUES?"

"Yes, Mary-Sues," General Anderson groaned out, "And they are a blight. But even worse are the Slash-Demons, who possess the characters and force them to commit acts against their will. You can guess what 'acts' I am referring to."

Sophia shook her head, and replied, "Oh, we know what acts occur during slash-fics, and they..."

Vanna slapped her hand over Sophia's mouth and said softly, "What did I say?"

General Anderson coughed lightly, "Ahem? As I was saying, they threaten the characters and our organization fights them off. However, as of late, we our forces have become very stretched out. There are many realities to protect, and we do not have enough legions to protect them. So, you three are about to become subjects in a new recruitment plan. Instead of a one year intense training program, you will be deployed immediately to the Hobbit reality, and..."

But before she could finish her sentence, all three girls hissed in their breath, and Aubrey spoke up, "Okay, ma'am, we greatly appreciate your offer, but how do we know what you're talking about is real?"

"And if what you're saying is true, we can't just pack up and leave! We have families, school..." Vanna continued on.

"Those concerns are valid," Anderson replied, "And I will answer Vanna's question first. Your families will be informed that an obscure boarding school has offered to accept you as students and you have left immediately. Report cards will be sent home based on your current averages, so you will not be able to finish high school unless you apply with our education department."

Aubrey frowned, "What about whether or not this is a real thing?"

The General smiled broadly. "Come with me," she said, gesturing towards her two guards. Skeptical looks were passed around by the girls, until Sophia spoke up, "Well, I'm going. If what this General chick is yakking about is true, I want to sign up. Now, it's a leap of faith."

Sighing deeply, Vanna grabbed the arms of Sophia and Aubrey and dragged them over to the General. "Sign us up," she said to Anderson.

The older woman nodded, then held her wrist to her mouth and spoke into what was probably a microphone, "You were right again Patterson. They're up for it."

"When have I ever been wrong, Supreme General? I'm assuming you want a portal?" a voice answered back.

"How else will we get to Headquarters?" Anderson replied.

"Wait, what? Portals? What's this about?" Aubrey asked, becoming a little unnerved.

"Don't worry, no one has died from a faulty portal in a few years. We should be fine," said one of the guards.

"Oh, that is very reassuring!" Vanna shouted, and her voice was drowned out as a glowing white doorway appeared next to her. They were all hustled through before a complaint could be made.

When the world stopped spinning and glowing and the ground returned, all the girls could hear was Supreme General Anderson's voice saying, "Welcome to Headquarters!"


End file.
